


can't bear to lose you

by Adrianna99



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant Pet Injury, Don't copy to another site, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-24 20:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17107784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrianna99/pseuds/Adrianna99
Summary: Viktor whispered, “I’ve… I’ve had Makkachin since I was pretty young.  She’s really old for a poodle, you know?  And I wanted to make sure I was around for her final years, but… it’s happened so fast?  I feel… I feel really bad for not being there for her.  And now she’s hurt, she could still die, and I wasn’t there-”  He cut off, and his arms around Yuuri squeezed tighter.“But youwerethere for her,” Yuuri replied comfortingly.  “She’ll be alright.”“But you don’t know that,” Viktor insisted quietly.  “She could still… she could still…”“I don’t know that,” Yuuri admitted slowly, lining up his thoughts in a way that he hoped made sense.  “But Makkachin is stronger than that, don’t you think?  One little steamed bun isn’t enough to take her down.  She’s going to be OK."[In which Makkachin's diagnosis is initially worse]





	can't bear to lose you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Akiko_Natsuko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/gifts).



> Hey there, Akiko! You said in your prompts that you enjoyed angst and hurt/comfort, so I really hope you like this! Please note that while there is some (canon compliant) pet injury, there is **no** pet death. Just in case, though, there is a brief summary of what happens in the end notes. Enjoy, and I hope you have a lovely rest of 2018!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Yuuri anxiously tapped his foot, drumming his fingers impatiently on the armrest of his seat on the airplane.His flight back to Japan from Russia after the Rostelecom Cup had been delayed for thirty long, agonizing minutes, and despite the fact that Yuuri had managed to sleep on the plane for a bit it felt like it had been _years_ since Viktor had left him.Yuuri pulled his phone out of his bag and took it off airplane mode as he waited for the lines of people in front of him to clear the aisle, and shot off a quick text to Viktor. 

**Me:** Just landed, is everything alright?Any news?

He didn’t receive a reply.

Yuuri shuffled off the plane, exhausted, and waited numbly to collect his suitcase from the baggage claim.He thought about texting Viktor again, but knew that the Russian man was probably rather distracted.Hopefully he was distracted by a perfectly healthy Makkachin, home and safe from the vet with no lasting damage.But if Viktor’s texts just before Yuuri had gotten on his plane, terse and clearly worried, were any indication, that wasn’t the case.

Yuuri’s phone buzzed in his hand as he pulled his mask over his face, and his heart jolted with hope for a moment before he saw his sister’s name at the top of the text.Yuuri read the message, simple directions to where Mari was waiting to pick him up and drive him home, and then trudged through the airport with his suitcase rolling behind him.

On the plane, Yuuri had had a lovely dream about Viktor: he had dreamed that Viktor and Makkachin had come to meet him at the airport, that they would both be a little tired, but more than OK.That Viktor would run to Yuuri as soon as he arrived and they would hug and maybe even kiss-But that had clearly been too much to hope for.

Yuuri frowned to himself.He was being horribly _selfish_.Poor Viktor’s dog, one of his closest companions, was in the hospital, her fate uncertain.At least if the worst happened, Viktor could be there for Makkachin.Unlike Yuuri.

Yuuri heard a familiar voice call his name as he stepped out of the airport and into the cool outdoors, but he could only offer his sister a tiny, worried smile.“Is there any news?” he asked as soon as he was within earshot, in lieu of a greeting.

Mari’s mouth pinched into a worried frown.“Not so far,” she replied quietly, unusually subdued even for her.“We’re supposed to pick up your Viktor on the way home, he’s still at the vet's office.”

Yuuri bit his lip as he lugged his bags into the backseat of the onsen’s van and then got in the passenger’s seat.“Congratulations, by the way,” Mari said as she climbed in the driver’s seat and put the van into gear, “For making it to the Grand Prix Finals.”

Yuuri took his beanie off and nodded, gazing out the window.“Thanks,” he murmured in reply.“I’m lucky my score at the Cup of China was good enough to get me in over Michele Crispino.Even though-”He broke off, looked down at his hands.Without looking up he could tell Mari was studying him out of the corner of her eye.

“Yuuri,” she said slowly.“You did just fine during your free skate.As well as you could for the circumstances, probably.”

Yuuri wrung his fingers together.“You still watched?”

Mari sighed, long and slow.“Everyone’s been a bit preoccupied,” she admitted.“What with Makkachin and all.But Viktor and I watched the stream on his phone in the waiting room of the vet.”

Yuuri winced slightly.“I hope I didn’t distract Viktor too much, or upset him more, or-”

“He seemed pleased,” Mari said quietly.“He smiled for the first time in hours when they said you’d be going to the Grand Prix Finals.”

Yuuri swallowed hard at that.“Really.”

“Mm.”

The two siblings fell quiet for a while as the dark Japanese countryside whizzed by on either side.Yuuri pulled out his phone again, fiddling with the case, clicking it on every minute or so just in case he had missed a text from Viktor.

Mari probably noticed, but she didn’t say anything else to him until they pulled in the driveway of a building that Yuuri vaguely remembered as the vet’s from long-ago visits with Vicchan.Mari shut the van’s engine off and then said quietly, “Do you want to go in and get him?You’d probably have more success actually convincing him to leave than I ever would.”

Yuuri nodded.“I’ll be right back,” he promised.

Mari poked him in the arm and then said, “Make him leave, alright?Mama wants to make sure he eats something today.”

Yuuri nodded and then clambered out of the van, slamming the door just a little too hard behind himself.A bell jingled above the door as Yuuri let himself into the brightly lit vet’s office.It wasn’t hard to find Viktor at all- other than a receptionist sitting at a desk in the front, the Russian man was the only one there.

Viktor sat hunched over in a chair that was just slightly too small for him, his elbows resting on his knees while his face was buried in his hands.Yuuri made eye contact with the receptionist, who seemed to recognize him- she gave him an encouraging smile and nodded in Viktor’s direction.Yuuri bit his lip and slowly crossed the waiting area, his shoes squeaking on the clean tiles.

“Viktor,” Yuuri said quietly as he approached, and laid one hand on Viktor’s shoulder.Viktor startled slightly, as though he hadn’t heard Yuuri coming, and then looked up at him. Yuuri’s heart cracked a little.Viktor had dark shadows under his eyes and worry lines around his mouth.

“Yuuri,” Viktor said quietly, his voice hoarse.He fumbled in his pocket and then pulled out his phone, frowning down at the unread messages from Yuuri on the screen.“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you,” he said a little stiffly.“I guess I forgot to turn the sound on loud enough.”

Yuuri slowly sank into the chair next to Viktor, keeping one hand on his shoulder.“Viktor, can you come home?” 

Viktor glanced across the room to a closed door.“They haven’t released Makkachin yet.”

“Viktor,” Yuuri said gently.“Have they told you how she is?”

Viktor bit his lip hard, and for a moment he looked like he was really struggling not to cry.“They… aren’t sure,” he finally said, his voice thick.“They have her on oxygen right now.She… her throat is kind of damaged and she was having a hard time breathing… I think she’s sedated right now as well-”He broke off, and covered his mouth with one hand, shaking.

Yuuri quickly wrapped him in a hug, holding him close.

Viktor trembled for a moment and then pulled away.“Anyway,” he said in a shaky voice.“I need to stay here.Makka might need me, I don’t want her to be scared if she wakes up-”

“Viktor,” Yuuri said gently.He reached out and took Viktor’s hand, lacing their fingers together before squeezing.He paused a moment, weighing his words, and then continued.“We only live ten minutes away from the vet’s office, and I’m sure they would call if Makkachin were to wake up.Please come home, alright?Mari said you hadn’t eaten today.”

“I’m not hungry,” Viktor mumbled immediately.His eyes darted to the door across the room again, and then got a little watery.“I’m staying overnight, Yuuri.”

Yuuri absently swiped his thumb over the back of Viktor’s hand, and then sighed.“Viktor, you need to come back to the onsen,” he said.“Makka will still be here tomorrow, I promise I’ll come back with you as soon as the vet reopens tomorrow.OK?”

Viktor shook his head.“I need to stay here,” he said.“It’s already my fault that I wasn’t here to stop her from getting hurt, now if she-if she-”He pressed his lips together tightly, squeezing his eyes shut.

The door across the room opened, and a woman in a white coat walked out, closing the door behind her.Viktor immediately shot to his feet.“Is she alright?” he asked desperately.“Can I take her home?”

The vet paused a moment, and then she focused on Yuuri.“Katsuki-kun,” she said in a quiet voice.“Would you mind translating?The nurse who was helping me earlier had to leave, and my English isn’t the best.” Yuuri nodded slightly.

The vet clasped her hands in front of her and then said, “I want to keep Nikiforov-san’s dog overnight for observation.Another vet will be here to relieve me soon, so Makkachin will be in good hands.But she’s still having trouble breathing and I want to make sure that if there’s permanent damage it won’t crop up at a time when no one will be able to help her, so it’s best if she stays in our care for a little longer to make sure she’s completely alright.”

Yuuri quickly translated for Viktor, whose breath caught a little at the words _permanent damage_.

“And also,” the vet added,“Please tell Nikiforov-san that he may stay here overnight if he wants, but that it would be better for his health if he slept the night in a bed before coming back.Makkachin probably won’t be waking up tonight.”

Yuuri passed that on, and Viktor pressed his lips together.“I-” he started, and then broke off. 

“Viktor,” Yuuri said softly.“Please come home.”He put one hand on Viktor’s arm. Viktor was shaking.

“You promise she’s going to be OK?” he said desperately, and then waited with bated breath as Yuuri translated.

The vet immediately nodded.“Yes, she’ll be just fine overnight,” she said.“If you want, though, you can stay until the night vet comes to relieve me.”Yuuri translated, and Viktor nodded.

“Yes, please,” he said hoarsely.“And then... and then I’ll go home.”

Yuuri squeezed his hand, and after a long moment Viktor squeezed it back.Yuuri waited with Viktor until the night vet arrived, and translated between the two of them until Viktor seemed reassured.Even when they left, though, Viktor walked slowly, his feet shuffling against the ground.

When they got back in the van Yuuri said quietly to Mari, “Sorry we took so long.”

“It’s fine,” Mari replied, watching in the rearview mirror as Viktor and Yuuri clambered in the backseat.The end of her cigarette glowed orange as she exhaled before starting the engine.

Viktor leaned against Yuuri’s side and Yuuri immediately held him close. Viktor buried his nose in Yuuri’s hair.They stayed like that the whole drive home, and Yuuri kept one arm around Viktor even when they walked into the onsen, Mari having agreed to bring in Yuuri’s luggage.

“You should eat something,” Yuuri said gently.Viktor nodded slightly and let Yuuri steer him towards the kitchen.

Hiroko looked up as they entered, and her face lit up.“Yuuri, you’re home,” she said.“And good, you brought Vicchan with you.”She grew somber.“Is Makkachin...?”

Viktor, possibly not understanding much of the Japanese but catching his dog’s name, said, “The vet is keeping her overnight for observation.”

Hiroko nodded seriously.“I’m sorry, I don’t have any katsudon made,” she said.“But I promise we’ll celebrate Makkachin’s recovery and Yuuri’s getting into the Grand Prix Finals tomorrow!”

Yuuri smiled a little tiredly.“Thanks, Mama.”

Hiroko smiled back.“Would you boys like something to eat now?”Yuuri nodded quickly, before Viktor could say anything.

They sat together at the table, and Yuuri studied Viktor worriedly.The Russian’s face was drawn, blank.His eyes looked empty.

Hiroko set down two plates in front of them.“Thank you, Mama,” Yuuri said, and his mother fondly ruffled his hair before leaving them alone to eat.“Come on, Viktor, please eat something,” Yuuri murmured.

Viktor nodded, staring down at his plate and picking reluctantly at his food.The two ate in silence, the only sound in the kitchen the low ticking of a clock and the dripping of a faucet, the two sounds slightly off beat from one another.When Yuuri was finished and Viktor seemed to have eaten all he was going to, Yuuri cleared the table and washed and dried their dishes before putting them back in the cupboard.When he turned he found that Viktor had quietly left.

Yuuri sighed.Hopefully Viktor had gone to bed.Hopefully he would actually be able to get some sleep. Yuuri dried off his hands and then headed to bed himself, offering Hiroko a tired smile as he passed through the dining room.

Yuuri finished changing and had just gotten into bed when a soft knock rapped on his bedroom door.Yuuri paused, and then heaved himself out of bed with a long, quiet sigh.When he opened the door Viktor was standing in the hallway, his pillow under one arm.

“Yuuri,” he said quietly.“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Yuuri relaxed, opening his door wider to let Viktor in.Viktor tentatively settled on Yuuri’s bed, and Yuuri closed the door before joining him.“Viktor,” he said very quietly.  "Are you alright?”

Viktor slowly lifted his head, his eyes wide.He looked like he was trying very hard to keep himself together, and he wasn’t really succeeding.

“Oh, Viktor,” Yuuri sighed, opening his arms.“Come here.”

Viktor melted into Yuuri’s arms, pressing his face against Yuuri’s shoulder.Yuuri held him close, and after a long moment Viktor shuddered, clinging even tighter.Yuuri lay back against the bed and embraced Viktor tightly as the Russian man began to cry quietly into his shoulder.

“It’s OK, let it all out,” he murmured.“I’m here.”

He hugged Viktor close as Viktor cried, rubbing his back and whispering comforts in English and Japanese.After a while Viktor’swracking sobs quieted to soft sniffles.Yuuri planted a gentle kiss on the top of his head, and in response Viktor nuzzled a little closer.

“Sorry for bothering you,” he muttered into Yuuri’s damp shirt.

“You’re not bothering me, Viktor,” Yuuri said immediately, curling his fingers into the fabric of Viktor’s shirt.“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you before.”

Viktor paused for a long moment.“You needed to skate,” he finally said.“But I’m glad you’re here now.”

Yuuri, overcome, pressed another kiss to his rumpled hair.“Do you want to talk about it?” he offered.

Viktor was silent for so long that Yuuri thought he might be mad at the offer, but finally Viktor whispered, “I’ve… I’ve had Makkachin since I was pretty young.She’s really old for a poodle, you know?And I wanted to make sure I was around for her final years, but… it’s happened so fast?I feel… I feel really bad for not being there for her.And now she’s hurt, she could still die, and I wasn’t there-”He cut off, and his arms around Yuuri squeezed tighter.

“But you were there for her,” Yuuri replied comfortingly.“You’ve been with her since Worlds, and maybe I don’t know her as well as you do, but I think she’s having a good time here in Japan.And the vets here are very good.She’ll be alright.”

“But you don’t know that,” Viktor insisted quietly.“She could still… she could still…”

“I _don’t_ know that,” Yuuri admitted slowly, lining up his thoughts in a way that he hoped made sense.“But Makkachin is stronger than that, don’t you think?One little steamed bun isn’t enough to take her down.She’s going to be OK.I don’t know that, true.But you have to hope, Viktor.”Yuuri bit his lip.“Sorry, I’m probably not being very comforting.”

“No,” Viktor said.He lifted his face.“You’re actually helping.”Despite his bloodshot eyes and tearstained cheeks, he managed to smile shakily.

Yuuri smiled a little tiredly back.“I’m glad, then.”He ran his fingers through Viktor’s bangs.“Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”

Viktor sniffled a little, and rubbed at his face with one hand.“I feel a little better, actually..I think crying helped.”

Yuuri’s smile widened a little.“It often does, doesn’t it?”

“Just… hold me?” Viktor whispered.“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course,” Yuuri replied.They both shifted in bed so that they were lying face to face, and then Yuuri pulled the blanket over their legs.

“Good night, Viktor,” Yuuri whispered, pulling Viktor close again.Viktor sighed happily, curling into Yuuri’s embrace, and Yuuri held him close as they fell asleep.

***

The call came early the next morning, early enough that Yuuri and Viktor were still curled up in bed together.Yuuri jerked awake when Mari burst in, the phone still clutched in her hand.

“Yuuri!” she gasped in Japanese.“The vet just called, they want you two to come in!”

Yuuri sat up and ran the fingers of one hand through his hair.“Huh?”

“The vet,” Mari repeated, and this time the words registered.

“Is Makkachin alright?” Yuuri asked frantically.At his side, Viktor stirred and then his eyes fluttered open.He mumbled something in Russian, a phrase that had Makka’s name somewhere in the mix.

“She’s fine, she’s fine,” Mari promised, and smiled a little sheepishly.“I guess I probably should have led with that.But she’s ready for you two to come and pick her up.”

Yuuri grinned. “That’s great!”

“Yuuri, what is it?” Viktor asked, sitting up and gazing at Yuuri with hopeful eyes.

“Makkachin’s OK,” Yuuri translated. “The vet is ready for us to pick her up.”

Viktor gasped happily, and a wide, heart-shaped smile spread across his face.“When can we leave?”

“Let’s get ready,” Yuuri replied.He turned to his teacher, and said earnestly, “Thank you, Mari.”

Mari gave him a small smile back.“You’re welcome, kid.Drive safe.”

She left, and Yuuri and Viktor both clambered out of bed.“I’m going to go get dressed, and then I’ll meet you by the door,” Viktor said breathlessly, and then swept Yuuri into his arms and kissed him suddenly.Yuuri squeaked a little in surprise and then kissed Viktor back.When they parted Viktor’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes bright.

“I’ll see you in a moment,” Yuuri promised, and Viktor gave him one last kiss on the cheek before rushing out.

Yuuri quickly threw on sweats and an old sweater, and stuffed his phone and wallet into his pockets.Viktor was already putting on his shoes in the entryway when Yuuri got there, grabbing the keys to the onsen’s van as he passed.

“Bye, Yuuri,” Hiroko called, and Yuuri called back a reply before shoving his feet into his shoes and rushing out to the car with Viktor.

Yuuri drove perhaps a bit too quickly to the vet, and Viktor was out the door before Yuuri turned the engine off.Yuuri parked as quickly as possible before following his Viktor into the vet’s office.He stopped just inside the doorway and smiled a little at the scene he found.

Viktor was kneeling on the floor of the vet’s office with Makkachin already in his arms, trembling.He looked up and met Yuuri’s eyes, smiling widely despite the tears in his eyes.“Yuuri, come here,” he said.

Yuuri walked over and fell to his knees beside them.Makkachin licked his cheek before _boofing_ hoarsely, and Yuuri realized he was crying too.

“She’s OK,” Viktor said in wonder, and hugged his dog tightly.“Oh my god, she’s OK.”

“She's OK,” Yuuri repeated.

Viktor reached out and took Yuuri’s hand, keeping his other arm wrapped around Makkachin.“Thank you,” he said to the vet, who was standing in the corner watching the scene with a smile.  She nodded, her smile widening.  Viktor turned his attention to Yuuri.  "Thank you."

“Of course,” Yuuri replied quietly.

Viktor squeezed his fingers.“Thank you for being there for me.”

Yuuri ducked his chin a little in embarrassment.“I always want to be there for you.”

Viktor gave him a soppy smile.“That almost sounds like a marriage proposal.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **SUMMARY:** Makkachin still swallows the steamed buns, but her diagnosis is worse, and because of this neither she nor Viktor come meet Yuuri at the airport when he arrives back in Japan after the Rostelecom Cup. Makkachin needs to stay overnight at the vet's office, and Yuuri comforts a crying Viktor who is afraid of losing one of his oldest friends. When they wake up the next morning they find out that Makkachin is perfectly fine, if a little tired, and that there will be little lasting damage from eating the steamed buns.
> 
> I had a good time writing this, so I hope you had a good time reading! Feel free to comment or talk to me [here](https://iwritebetterthanispeak.tumblr.com/), and have a lovely day, dear reader!


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